Lori's Birthday
by Gumball2
Summary: Lori turns eighteen, but birthdays have always been a complicated matter for her. Her sister Leni always acts strange on those days and she knows why. They both know why. It's always the same every year, but Lori wants to fix this once and for all. She wants to teach Leni to love herself.


It was night time in the Loud House and almost every room was dark. That was, except for the illuminating light emanating from Lori's phone.

She usually stayed up well past midnight to text Bobby, but time seemed to move slower for her on this evening. Most of the time, Bobby's texts arrived so quickly that it was like having a real conversation with him. But now, Lori found herself staring at her phone's clock every time she sent a message. It slowly dragged from 11:30 and 11:31 before trudging to :32.

To pass the time, she surfed the web, checking up on the latest news from her friends and whatever else caught her curiosity. A lot of her friends were already asleep, despite the fact that it was Saturday night.

Occasionally, she also darted to various corners of her room. Leni was sleeping. Although she kept sending Bobby more texts, Lori found herself starting to look more and more at her little sister. On this night, she wondered what was going on behind Leni's pink sleeping mask.

Buzz. Lori redirected her attention to the latest text.

"The boss is cool."

Bobby had just started as a cashier at some convenient store, his second job this month. Lori smirked and began to type.

"Glad you're liking it."

Her thumb hovered over the 'send' button as she turned back to that other side of the room. She then peeked at the clock- 11:37. After a moment's thought, she taped the 'space' key and continued.

"I can't wait for tomorrow. But I think I'll try getting some sleep before the big day. Love you, Bobby."

She planted her phone on the night stand and closed her eyes. She heard a muffled buzz, but she knew what it was- a simple "Love ya Babe".

As Lori struggled to descend into slumber, she kept thinking about a lot of things; everything from letting go of the few golden strands of childhood to Bobby to her friends and her family. The last one, though, kept her up the most. It was a nasty burden that plagued her sleep for at least the past couple birthdays. She tried turning away from Leni, but that didn't stop the mental gymnastics. To her, it seemed like ages before she slipped into sleep.

* * *

Lori's vision was blurry when she awoke. She could tell by the white that it was day time.

"Good morning, sleepy head."

Rubbing her eyes, she turned to see Leni. She was sitting on her bed, holding a small card in her hand, and carrying a delicate smile.

 _"No..."_

"I made you a card Ms. Mom," Leni said, handing over the folded paper.

"I'm only a year older than you, Leni," she answered, "you'll be eighteen before you know it."

Lori stared at the card. On the front was a crude drawing of a heart, most likely done in crayon. Above it was Leni's handwriting: "Happy 18th Birthday Lori!" Her tired face smirked as she opened the card. In it was a letter.

"To Lori,

You have been my bestest friend for as long as I could remember. You have been with me to school, to sleepovers, to the mall, to my room, to the mall, and everywhere with me. I'm so happy for you now that you're an adult. But don't worry if that sounds weird. You'll always be my big sister and best friend!

Love you,

Leni"

Lori's smile had grown, even though she was still drowsy. She looked up at her sister, who had been staring the whole time, got up and hugged her.

"Thank you Leni," she said wrapping her arms around her sister, "that's wonderful."

But then this urge, a need, compelled her to examine Leni's face. She looked fine; her smile conveyed the letter's joy, but Lori was more attentive towards the eyes. They looked alright, but didn't glow in the same way the rest of the face did.

"Are you alright, Leni?" she asked, resting her hands on her sister's shoulders, "You aren't...troubled by this...are you?"

Leni shook her head.

"I'm just really happy for you, Lori! That's all!"

Lori knew her sister well, as anyone would after sixteen, closer to seventeen years of acquaintance would. She didn't feel the satisfaction she knew she needed.

"Please," she asked, "are you telling the truth?"

"Absolutely," Leni shot back, perking up a smile to boot.

Lori still wasn't convinced, but the desire to press evaporated. She knew she wasn't gonna win this battle. Not right now. Besides, it was a lot worse to start her birthday off on a sour note. She took a deep breath.

"Okay," she whispered, "Leni...I want you to know that you're my sister, no matter how old I-we get. And if you ever had something bothering you, you don't have to keep it all in. You can tell me as many times as you need and I'll be there to listen, to hug, or whatever you need to get b," she paused to let the words vibrate, "Do you understand?"

Leni slowly nodded.

"I'm fine, Lori," she said. She then pointed towards the door, "Mom is making you a special birthday breakfast. Let's go down there!"

Lori returned her sister's toothy grin.

"Okay."

The two headed down the crooked stairs to the living room, where the other siblings were already settled.

"It's about time you got up!" Lincoln exclaimed, "Happy Birthday Lori!"

The other sisters gave their distinct greetings, but Lori found it hard to make some of them out due to the overlap. Sometimes, she wondered how her younger siblings could respect her despite her occasional bossy and selfish tendencies. Regardless, she was grateful to live in such a large family.

In the midst of the commotion, Rita and Lynn Sr. came in to see their oldest child, still in her pajamas.

"Well if it isn't the new grown up!" Lynn Sr. said as he hugged Lori, "How do ya feel?"

"Tired," she replied.

"Once you take a bite of your mother's birthday pancakes, you'll wake up faster than...than..."

"The speed of sound," Lisa jumped in.

"Sure," Lynn Sr. said, "you'll be ready for the day! Plus, since this is a big milestone, we're pulling out the baby pictures!"

The nine younger siblings broke out into a cascade of 'awws' and 'ooos', causing Lori to blush. She looked over to Leni, who was standing separate from the rest of the group. She was indecisively switching between the different sounds and mechanically throwing up her arms.

Lori turned to her parents.

"Do we _need_ to see those?" she asked, "I'm all grown up now."

There was a brief pause before Lynn Sr. answered.

"The younger ones might not remember the last time we flipped through those. Baby pictures should be something shared with the whole family, not just the older ones. When the others reach a special age, we'll show off their pictures."

"But before, it's time for breakfast," Rita said.

* * *

After enjoying the special pancakes, Lynn Sr. headed up to the attic. Meanwhile, Rita and the Loud children were congregated in the living room.

"Do you know if Bobby's coming over?" Rita asked.

"No," Lori answered, "he has to work all day, but he already wished me a happy birthday and all."

"It's good that he's working, trying to leave a decent impression."

Lucy, who was sitting on the floor, pulled out her black journal.

"Hey, Lori," she said in her dry, low voice, "I wrote you a poem."

Before anyone could stop her, she began.

"Birthdays

They're just a reminder of what little we have.

It means one less year of being young,

Of being able to avoid responsibilities.

It means one less year of looking beautiful.

Soon that skin will start to wrinkle and sag.

But more importantly that it means being a year closer to death.

Death

Why is everyone so worrie-"

"I found it, everyone!"

Lucy sighed. The rest of the family turned to the staircase where they saw Lynn Sr. heading down the stairs with a thin, dusty blue book. Lori had forgotten how dull the covers had become over those long years. She eyed Leni briefly before returning to Lucy.

"Before we start," Lori started, "Lucy, why don't you finish your poem? After all, you worked really hard on it just for me. I would love to hear it!"

Lucy shot up.

"Very well.

Death

Why is everyone so worried about it?

The worst that happens is that you leave

And you miss your loved ones for a while.

But in time they will come back to you

And be with you in a place without pain or fear.

Being eighteen means you'll be closer to this fate

But it also means you can do more now while in life.

And there's nothing else I would want you to be

Than my sister turning eighteen.

We here in the Loud family love you

And I guess that means I love you too."

Lucy closed her journal and brushed aside her raven bangs, revealing her underexposed eyes.

"Happy birthday," she said, working up the strength to smile.

"Thank you, Lucy," Lori said, "It sounds like something that came from you."

Lynn Sr. took a seat at the armchair and opened up the blue book.

"That was a lovely, thoughtful gift Lucy," he said, "now who wants to gather 'round and see our baby?"

The nine younger kids excitedly scurried around the arm chair, desperately trying to get a good view at the old photos. Rita stood behind them cradling Lily so that the youngest Loud could see the pages. Lori and Leni, however, were slower to arrive. Each of them reluctantly made their way to the rest of their family, carrying along a somewhat tense grin.

"This is Lori's first minutes," he said, pointing to a picture. In it, Lynn Sr. had a full head of curly brown hair and Rita looked slightly smaller. They both had enormous white smiles on their young faces. And in the bottom-left corner was the fresh newborn, wrapped in a soft, white blanket. The nine younger children affectionately moaned, embarrassing the birthday girl.

Lynn Sr. then dragged his finger to the photo below it.

"This is Lori's first day out of the hospital," he said. Rita was holding the infant while sitting on a gray couch set up near a bay window. She was smiling.

Leni couldn't bring herself to stare at this display. She didn't move herself from the back corner of the chair, but her eyes fixated on the wall on the other side of the room. She winced as her younger siblings gushed at the snapshot.

"Why have I never seen this room?" Lola asked.

"That's the old house," Lynn Sr. explained, "Back then, we didn't know how many bundles of joy we would have, so we had a smaller place. Once we saw how big this family was getting, we knew we needed more room. And voila, now we're here!"

"Come to think of it, I think I remember living there," Luna said.

"Well, we moved after Lynn was born, so that makes sense," Rita responded, "It was about time, too. That place wasn't made for five little girls. We needed a home that was big enough for them to run around, be comfortable, and make all sorts of memories," she then scanned the room, "and here is absolutely perfect!"

The rest of the children chattered as their father pulled out the next photo.

"Aw. Isn't this one precious," Lynn Sr. said, "Lori meets her new sister."

As expected, the others "aww'ed" but Leni refused to look down; uneasiness was building up inside of her. Lori looked at her younger sister and shuddered.

"You two looked so adorable!" Lola said, barely able to contain herself, "I thought _I_ was the only pretty one in this dump!"

The others chuckled.

The rest of the album was a collection of funny and heartwarming episodes in Lori's childhood. The story spanned her entire life and each sibling had their moment of familial embarrassment as they saw their picture with Lori. The final picture in the book had a sixteen-year-old Lori smiling as she held her ninth sister, Lily.

As the others jabbered, Lori couldn't help but look at Leni, who didn't seem to be paying attention. She was everywhere in the world but the Loud House. Lori laughed at the memories the photos were conveying, but they were underscored by an insatiable desire to talk to her.

After Lynn Sr. finished up with the book, Lori stood up.

"Thank you for that, Dad," she said, "Could I just head upstairs for a few? I need to find something."

"Go right ahead, birthday girl!" he answered.

"Thanks. Leni, come join me."

Leni paced over to her. The two stuck by each other as they walked up the steps. They went to their room and Lori shut the door.

"It's okay," Lori said, facing the door. She then turned to her sister, "Leni, it's alright."

Leni was sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at her hands. Lori stood, waiting for her response. Nothing.

"Leni," she repeated, "I said it's alright."

Her sister slightly elevated her head. Her eyes were strained, trying to keep themselves open.

"I can't believe Dad made me look at that thing," Leni said slowly, "I...I can't...I can't."

Lori walked and sat beside her. She took a deep breath.

"Did you hear how they were talking, though?" Lori asked, prompting her sister to turn to her, "Did you hear how happy they were when they showed you coming home for the first time? They love you, Leni. They wouldn't be acting like that if they didn't."

Lori cast a smile, hoping her best friend could finally be happy. What she got instead, was a downcast frown.

"How can they, though?" Leni asked softly, "I know they said it, Lori. We both know they were gonna give her the same name as me. She was supposed to be right where I'm sitting, turning eighteen with you. She's the reason my name is Leni. She's the reason I was born...If only..." she then turned away, trying to avoid her.

"Please don't say that about yourself," Lori said, placing a hand on her shoulder, "They love you for who you are. They've moved on and they've learned to see you as your own person. There are many things people love you for," she paused, "Could you look me in the eyes?"

Nothing.

"I can tell you what makes you special," she continued as a smile formed on her lips, "You get along with the others a lot better than me. They respect you more because you look out for them, make sure their okay, and you care about how they're feeling," Lori started to lean in towards Leni, "Lincoln told me that when we were all sick and he wanted to escape us like we were a bunch of zombies, you stood up for us. You were the one that wanted to care for us, treat us like we were still family, even though we were gooey and messy and stuff."

Lori saw Leni's back expand outward, along with the sound of breathing.

"So I don't treat people like trash," Leni said, closing her eyes, "That doesn't mean that my dumbness isn't there. There were times when I was little when I hurt people by saying stuff that I shouldn't be saying. Remember when I was in first grade and I made Mrs. Rowzanski cry when I told her her lipstick made her look ugly? I haven't been getting smarter or better, Lori."

She then took another breath and continued.

"Everyone says they love me, but I don't buy it. I know they just wanted you. I was the fix-up."

Leni's throat was tightening and she struggled to clamp her eyes shut. She started shaking to maintain this effort, drawing Lori's attention.

"Leni," Lori said hurriedly, "Speak up!"

The shaking became more violent and Leni gripped her stomach. Lori jumped from the bed and swung around in front of her.

"Leni! Breathe!"

"She deserved a chance at life. It's not fair," Leni said, sniffling. Lori hugged her. Through her clenched eyes, she felt a tear break free, "What do I have to give that counts? That really counts! She would have been better...she should've been born..."

Lori was all too familiar with these words. She was disappointed with herself. She has tried many times to get through to Leni, tell her that she is loved and irreplaceable. Leni refused to have any of it, no matter how clear the message came across as. But Lori never, ever wanted to stop trying.

"Leni," she said, not quite at a whisper, "Remember how excited everyone was for you at your last birthday? Remember how many times they said 'Happy Birthday' and 'I love you'?"

Lori felt a nod tap her shoulder.

"But how do I know they're real?" she heard Leni said, her voice threatening to break, "How do I know they're not just faking it? Sometimes, people tell really nasty lies and it ends up feeling awful."

Lori's eyes widened. _This_ was new.

"What on earth makes you think that?" Lori asked, "We're your family."

Leni shuddered.

"I know," she said, curling her lips, "But I'm terrible. All I ever do is take and take and take from you guys. I use your advice, I use your things and money, all I do is suck you all dry," she let another tear escape before continuing, "But what do I give in return? Less space, a spike in the water bill, a thing that keeps you from having your own room, a wet towel on your special day! How can Mom and Dad really mean 'I love you' when this is _all_ I give in return? They can't be telling the truth..."

Lori was at a loss of words. Despite her many years of friendship with her sister, she wasn't sure how to overcome this. She then thought of an idea. She knew it wouldn't go over easily, but it was worth a shot.

"Leni," she said. She thought for a moment on how to phrase this, "Do you want to tell everyone how you feel?"

Lori felt a tug and a jolt inward.

"I could never do that," Leni said, "I already feel awful for making you sad on your birthday, but this is completely out there," she then pulled herself out of Lori's grasp to reveal her tear-streaked face, "Plus, if they know I'm suspicious, they'll start doing a better job at faking."

Lori stared at Lori with boldness.

"You have to believe me, Leni. They are not pretending," she said, "They love you the same way they love me, Luna, Luan, Lynn, and all our siblings. They should know how you're feeling because they can help you through this. They can teach you how to love yourself. Mom and Dad can show you how proud they are to have you as a daughter. You were not just some replacement."

Leni shakily breathed.

"I don't know if I can..." she said. She looked down and started twirling her blonde hair.

"Why not? It'll make you feel a lot better."

"Will it?" Leni said, "I'm just...mixed up right now. I want to believe you, but this voice in my head keeps telling me it'll only make things worse," she then wiped her eyes in an effort to hide the streaks on her cheeks, "I do a good job at keeping it in. So why should I make things all mushy now?"

Lori looked at her sister.

"I-It would mean a lot to me if you did, Leni," she said, "Forget birthdays, it would make me happy if I could see you getting better," she then offered a smile, "So what do you say?"

Leni stared at her sister for a while. She saw Lori's smile and she examined the battlefield simply known as her brain. She took long breaths, remaining frozen in her seat. But Lori would wait until the end of time for her answer.

Eventually, Leni opened her mouth.

"I might."

Lori seemed ready to respond, so she added.

"Please...," Leni said, "can you not make me do it right now? I want a couple minutes to myself," she then breathed and continued, "Go downstairs and tell them I-I'm in the bathroom or something. Something that won't make them ask questions."

Lori was speechless. She knew arguing further could distress Leni even further. Besides, there was room for the idea to be approved.

Lori hugged Leni once more.

"Okay, I'll let you be," she said, "No matter what you end up choosing, I'll stick by it."

She remained in the embrace for several moments. She then got up and headed for the door. Before she left, however, she turned to Leni.

"And always remember," she said, "I love you."

Lori left, leaving Leni on her bed. She went over to the night stand and opened one of the drawers. Inside was a collection of brushes, balms, and spray cans. She dug through it, eventually picking out a piece of paper on the bottom. She had stolen it from an obscure box in the attic about two years ago, but since no one likes that dilapidated pit, its move had gone unnoticed.

On the top was the insignia to the Royal Woods Hospital and the caption 'Death Certificate'. On it was today's date eighteen years in the past. The age of death was so small that it was measured in minutes. And in the first box- Name- read 'Leni Loud'.

Leni sighed as she carefully returned the document back into its residence. She lied on her bed and stared at the ceiling.

 _"Saying you'll change is easy, even when you have a reason. But doing is a completely different thing, even when you have a reason."_

She rested there for several minutes before sitting up. She took one last look at the drawer and muttered.

"Happy Birthday Leni."


End file.
